I'm Thinking of Writing a Book

The proposed title of the book is, "A Survival Guide for the Man Who is About to Get Married". Too many men get married without having the slightest idea of what to expect and how different their lives are about to be. If they knew what life was going to be like living with this wonderful person with whom they're about to say, "I do", there would be a lot fewer arguments and maybe even fewer divorces. (Some might even say fewer marriages but I'm not one of them.)

I present here the introduction.

Introduction

Perhaps you’ve already climbed at least to camp 1 of the Southeast Ridge route up Mt. Everest. Perhaps you’ve survived the running of the bulls. You may even have been up to the International Space Station to repair a solar panel. It all pales in comparison to the journey upon which you are about to embark – marriage. Marriage is the single most important and potentially dangerous and rewarding journey of your life. Along the way, you are going to discover a lot about yourself and the world around you you never knew. Most of all, you’re going to learn why you’ve been wrong about so many things. In fact, understanding how wrong you’ve been (and will continue to be) is such an important part of marriage for a man, I’ve entitled the second chapter, “You’re wrong. Get used to it.” (At first, I thought it should be the first chapter but I was wrong.) This theme is continued through virtually every chapter that follows.
Each chapter is written with the same goal in mind: to make the transition from being single to being married one in which you can concentrate on the joy and deal successfully with the potential problems. After reading these chapters, you might think, “Tell me again why I’m getting married.” So, to clarify your thinking and help you get through all this, I’ll explain why you will be much happier married than single (you just might not always know it).
First of all, several studies have shown that married men live longer than single men. Why? My personal belief is married men feel if we live long enough, we’ve got to be right about something and I’m going to live until I find out what that something is and hear my wife admit I’m right! (Your wife, at some point, might tell you the one thing you were right about was marrying her.)
Second, decision making is much simpler. How much simpler can a decision be than saying, “I don’t know, sweetheart. What do you think?”
If asked, most women will tell you they don’t want a husband who has no opinions of his own. They want an equal partner who has his own ideas, opinions, and thoughts. This is true as long as his ideas, opinions, and thoughts don’t conflict with hers. During courtship, she will be very interested in hearing your opposing points of view. This is primarily because your opinions don’t directly affect her yet. She will usually not correct your wrong choices because she knows you need to get these mistakes out of your system before they really count. She won’t say this aloud but, in the back of her mind, is the thought, “There’s plenty of time to straighten him out later.”
You might ask me, “What makes you think you’re such an expert in this?” (My wife asked me the same question.) I’ll tell you – nothing. That’s what. Only a foolish man would ever think he’s an expert in understanding women and the differences between us and them. However, having been married to the same woman for more than 36 years, I must have learned something. The chapters of this book are based upon, not only my experiences, but, also, the experiences of other married men I’ve talked to over the years. During these discussions, I found some very interesting constants in almost every married relationship. It’s very comforting to know I’m not the only one to often feel like I”m on the Titanic in a sea filled with icebergs and no landmarks to show me safe passage. This book is designed to show you where to expect many of those icebergs. How you navigate around them is up to you.
Throughout the book, you will find items labeled B.F.L. - Basic Fact of Life. This is not to be confused with Basic Useful Life Lesson, or B.U.L.L. Most of what is written here falls under the category of B.U.L.L.
Keep in mind: men and women are very different. I don’t mean just physically. We react to situations differently. We perceive the world around us differently. We see personal relationships differently. We fit into our home environment differently. Don’t expect to “understand” how your wife sees life, just accept that she sees it very differently than you. It will also help if you understand her perception is the correct one (or, at least, let her think you believe that.) The chapters that follow are designed to explain these differences so you don’t wake up one morning to find the world as you knew it is now revolving in a different direction.
I certainly don’t mean to imply that all men see the world the same way or that all women react to situations identically. It’s just that it often seems that way. As with all generalizations, the ones in this book have many exceptions. There are many men who excel at creating meals that are lovely to look at and a joy to eat. There are many women who love to put their feet up on some piece of furniture and watch a bunch of cars going around in circles for hours on end. The material presented here is not based upon years of psychological testing, research, and controlled experimentation. (I did share some of these ideas with my wife, though. She pointed out the areas in which I was wrong and I pretended to agree with her. Hopefully, she won’t see the final product.) Rather, this book is based upon more than 30 years of marriage with a woman I love as much today as I did the day we wed. It’s based upon conversations I’ve had with many men and women about these situations. It’s based upon my perceptions and interpretations.
Nor is this meant to dissuade anyone from getting married or thinking marriage is the end of a man’s chance at happiness. It isn’t. If anything, having someone you love and who loves you to share your good and bad times, your successes and failures, your dreams and fears is the most special and rewarding reason to be alive. In all relationships other than the most superficial ones, there are positives and there are negatives. This book is designed to help guide you through the negatives by telling you what to expect. Also, always remember the positive aspects of marriage far outweigh the negatives.
I hope that the ideas I present here will make the move from the life of bachelor-induced ignorance to marriage-based happiness a pleasant experience. (I don’t mean to imply this transition will ever be smooth and uncomplicated. I’m just trying to smooth it out and uncomplicate it as much as possible. Which isn’t a whole lot.) Maybe my wife will someday write a companion book for the soon-to-be-married woman. I doubt it. Women seem to be born with an innate ability to handle us very effectively. Just watch any little girl wrap her father around her little finger with just a smile or a tear.